Dear Mish

This is what I just posted on the 12wbt website, it sums up my journey so far!

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I am not sure if you going to read this, I hope you will

I am a newbie to round 4. Before I start saying what I came here to say, I will tell you a little bit about myself.

I am a 31 year old mum of three kids (aged 10, 8 and 6) and I work full time. I have been unhappy with my body since I can remember and I did try doing something about it a couple of times, I tried Weight Watchers, I went to the gym, lost about 6 kilos and got pregnant with my third child. When he was one, I got diagnosed with thyroid cancer (at age 26). I had both my thyroid glands removed and started taking medication (and will do for the rest of my life). Because of it (and other things too), my weight reached 107kgs. I am short-ish (163cms) so I was really big for my frame. I suffered a lot with heartburn, chest pains etc, ended up in hospital a couple of times with scares of heart problems. I wasn’t even 30.

I always knew I had to do something about it but that first step is so hard to take. I started walking with my neighbour and I got down to 95kgs. Then my weight stabilised around 92kgs (after a whole year post-surgery and medication adjustments)

Obviously not happy with it, I carried on trying to lose weight. I did really well for a couple of weeks just to give into temptation and have to start again, again!

One day I was browsing Facebook, and one of my friends ‘liked’ your page. I got curious about it and that’s how I found out about 12wbt. I really decided that it is now or never, so I signed up. That was 8 weeks ago.

Back then I was not doing any form of exercises, I wasn’t even walking. But that first night, after signing up, I did go for a walk with my 10 year old. And she dared me to run to the end of the road, which I tried, but couldn’t do it. So basically I was running less than 30 seconds and feeling like I was going to die afterwards. But a sparkle ignited that day.

I guess you can say I talk the talk a lot, but never carried on with anything. When I was talking to my friend the next night, I convinced her that running would be a great idea. I also told her all about 12wbt. After laughing at me, the way good friends can, and thinking I was crazy, she slept on it. I guess that sparkle ignited on her too and she signed up for 12wbt and said she would come running with me (or more like ‘pretending to run’). Even my husband was in a ‘I will believe when I see it’ mode, after all, he had heard me talk about this many many many times!

So the next day we started the C25K program. Day 1 was horrendous. I could not run for the one minute required. But I never gave up. Slowly but surely progress is being made, and I am happy to announce that my friend and I finished week 5, day 2 (we repeated week 3), which consisted of two 8 minutes run! 8 MINUTES!!!!!! A huge milestone for me, the girl who could not run for 30 seconds 8 weeks ago. I did my time trial this week and I was super delighted to fall in to the ‘intermediate’ category. I still cannot believe my progress in the past 8 weeks, I catch myself smiling and saying ‘8 minutes running, twice!’ – oh, I already lost 5 kgs! But it is not just that, it is the way I am feeling, my energy levels, the happiness that comes from being able to say ‘I did it’

I am not sure what the difference this time. Maybe it is all the testimonials and happy people who have done your program, it is contagious! We have an awesome Facebook group too, with supportive and enthusiastic people (Go 12WBT Round 4 Perth Crew!!), it is hard not to feel motivated! Even my friend’s husband got on the wagon and started exercising, he has now lost 9 kilos in the last 4 weeks!

I am not going to stop. I am so excited about what I am going to achieve in the next 12 weeks, the next 6 months, the next year! Thanks to you and your wonderful program, I feel like I can accomplish anything (including the 20 minute run we have schedule for our next schedule run - week 5 day 3 of C25K program, oh boy!)

THANK YOU AND MUCH LOVE

A very happy intermediate runner (yay) who hasn’t even started your program but is counting the minutes to!

Facing my worst enemy: MYSELF

I have been thinking a lot lately. Thinking about my goals and how I am going to get there. The pre-season tasks on the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation have started and it has made me stop and think about the way I am approaching this journey.

Now, let me elaborate on it. The first task was titled ‘Get Real – No more excuses’ I am the queen of excuses, but about six weeks ago I had a light bulb moment. Yes, I work full time, run a household, have children, can’t afford things… but I was so unhappy with my lack of motivation, every time I looked in the mirror, I felt like crying, every time I stepped on the scales and the number was bigger than last time, the feeling of being so tired all the freaking time, the mental fog… but I was always too tired or too busy to do anything about it and I never did, ended up sitting on the couch for the evening and kicking myself for not trying. See, I was stuck in that frame of mind, the excuses were there so I could justify not doing anything even though I knew I was only fooling and harming myself for letting the excuses win. They always won.  

Then one day, I just finished tea/dishes/etc, I put my walking shoes on and I went for a walk around the cul-de-sac I live in, up and down the road in circles because it was already dark. I just did it, not much thought put into it. My ten year old went with me and was encouraging me the whole time, then she dared me to run to the end of the road. And I did it, I nearly died but I did it. I could not run for 30 seconds back then. I took that first step –the hardest one to take, in my opinion. Once you take that first step, all of a sudden things are not so bad anymore. Yes, tiredness is still there but after that first walk I felt like I could do anything. And I haven’t stopped since. I started the C25K program and I am about to start week 4 tonight, there is a 5 minute run thrown in the mix there, for someone who could not run 30 seconds, 5 minutes is huge. And it is a looooong time when you are running ;) But I am not giving up, nope, not a chance of that happening. There is nothing that compares to that ‘I did it’ feeling at the end of each run!

BUT, my downfall is still food.

 Michelle also talked about responsibility. She broke the word down as RESPONSE ABILITY. That really struck me, I am in control of my own actions. Food does not force itself in my mouth (well, apart from the almond croissants I had last week, hehe). If I am 100% honest with myself, since I started this journey, I have not given 100% when it comes to the food part. The excuses are still cluttering my brain – I am too busy to prepare my lunch for the next day (I usually do really good at lunch time anyways). But then last week, we had some geologists that came to the office from the States, I had to organise morning tea and lunch for the two day workshop they were running. Food abundance all around me. Then on Monday it was someone’s birthday – we had cake on Monday and left overs on Tuesday. Wednesday was weigh in day so I was not surprised to see I had put on 500grms.

 On the goal setting task, I am still trying to work out how I am going to do this. I know where I want to be right now, but in 12 months time? I haven’t thought that far to be honest. But I get excited just thinking about it, because honestly, the possibilities are endless! I can actually achieve anything – so I need to think about this one carefully and be realistic. Right now though, I am concentrating on the next 6 weeks as I am going overseas to visit family, meet old friends – I really want to be in the best shape of my life! They have not seen me in two and a half years so I want to see some jaws drop. And secretly,  my motivation is this one girl, who I do not like very much -  ohhh how I want to see her face when she sees me.

 Yesterday after I went to the Facebook group for the lovely local ladies that are doing this program, I was really encouraged by everyone’s success. I want that too. I want it so bad and I am the only one standing on the way.

 So here I am today. After a very hard look at myself, again, I decided that I am going to give this my 100% - I have so much to gain, and I have come a long way already. I am not going to let temporary pleasures get in the way of the bigger picture.

 I still haven’t watched the video for our Task 4 today. I want to give my full attention. I also am mentally preparing myself for my run tonight.

 

I will check in tomorrow and let you know how that went, if you are interested ;)

Another one of those days.... maybe we should call it a week?

UGH

B1 is at it again! But I am not going to write a long post about how she irritates me and how I cannot believe a 60+ year old woman act like a teenager. Instead, I will just say I am over it and move on. And that I wish it was that simple.

Anyways

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I actually weigh myself everyday - a habit I am trying to break, but guess what? It actually helps me get out of bed in the morning, I get very curious and need to know what is the weight for today - wednesdays are the days I actually record the weight and compare from last week's weight.

I have been really good in that department. Apart from the weekend, I went to a 30th party and had brownies, ice cream and cake. BUT I ate a lot less than I normally would, so thats a bonus. I weighed myself the day after and I was 1.7kgs up. Yea, 1.7kgs overnight is super.

I was extremely annoyed at life last night so I went for a run. This is day 2 week 2 from C25k. Last time I tried I could not run the full 1.5 minutes required (four days before that). But I did it yesterday, the whole thing, did not walk once. I felt brilliant. The good side effects of running is, it helps a lot with stress. But people that run already know that.

So this week's Michelle Bridge's Body Transformation task is to record everything I eat. I already do that - so, check!

Rumbles

I feel Meh today

Not because of weight losses or running or anything like that (which is going great by the way!)

It’s because of unhappy people out to make everyone’s life miserable

We all know one of those people. People that are so pedantic that makes you feel like pulling your eyeballs out.

I work with two of those, let’s call them B1 and B2 (B=bitch, bahahaha – I feel so evil right now). Before I start on the rambling, let me just say I am a nice person. The kinda girl who does not like conflict, who feels horrible when someone is not being nice to me, with that said...

B1 is about 62 years old, I think, and her sense of smell is very sensitive apparently. My story goes that one day my boss asked me to clean our whiteboard because he had a meeting and wanted to use it. I knew I needed to use a product that smells quite strong because out whiteboard is old and the wipers don’t work that well. But since the meeting room is a good 100 steps from her office, I thought I would be ok to do it quickly. Next minute, B1 comes around asking what the heck the smell was. I told her very nicely that I was asked to clean the whiteboard and I had to do it, it seriously took me ten seconds to do it and the smell was gone in a couple of minutes. She left with a “migraine” and did not speak to me for six weeks after that. Seriously. B1 decided that not speaking to me and making a very uncomfortable work environment  was a good punishment for doing my freaking job. Am I the only one who thinks it’s crazy? Maybe because if it was me, I would have decided that despite the fact I didn’t like the smell, it was not worth getting my knickers in a twist like that. Geez! I am glad to report that she is now half talking to me again.

 

Then there is B2. Now, B2 is a strange one. She is about 50 and has been working here for a while. She is pedantic. No, she is anal. I never know if she is talking to me or not, I can’t keep up anymore. She decides, on a daily basis, that if I do something wrong (read: not her way), she will be cold and just address me when I talk to her, but the barely minimum possible. I had my boss coming to me with complains like: there is two staples on the invoices instead of one.  Seriously? Have you got nothing better to do B2? What difference does it make in the world if the invoice has two staples instead of one? Are you not busy enough today that you have to pick on every single damn thing I do? Every day. I cannot, for the life of me, do anything right in her eyes. I start to feel bad about it (because let’s face it, I have no idea what she tells the boss about me), but then I have to keep reminding myself that she is the one with the problem, not me. I try to do my best at work, I work hard, sometimes it’s a bit quiet, but I do my job well. Today she told me off for working from my boss’ desk (as she is on holiday) because I thought it would be easier since I am doing her job as well and having to deal with one million different things.

 

 just don’t get it. Why do some people have to make life miserable for others? Why can’t they use common sense and decide that some things are just not an issue at all?

 

It really beats me

 

Rant over

Sore leg?

Am I the only one that just want to go go go? I want results NOW, or I have to go faster than advised or do more to achieve more, you know what I mean?

But I can't and I hate the feeling

I hurt my leg - not sure when or how, it just started hurting, gradually got worse to the point I could barely walk. So I gave it a couple of days rest and decided I had to try running again. Big fail.

It's been one week. My leg is still sore, not sure why it's not getting better? I have started taking anti-inflammatories... I don't know, I am scared that I won't be able to run in November, 5 weeks to go and I am back to square one!

So I am kinda bummed. No way I am giving up. I have lost 2.3kgs already and that feels awesome! On Saturday, because I could not run, I went bike riding instead. I biked for 7kms, really loved it - my legs didn't hurt at all, didn't even feel like I was exercising? Maybe my fitness level has improved after all! I will definitely be adding biking to my list of exercises to do. Go me!

In other news I have a lot going on on the side, life is really strange at the moment.

My hubby had spinal surgery last year at the tender age of 29. I became the main bread-winner at our house because surgery had a 9-12 months period of recovery. It has been just over one year and hubs could no longer just sit at home. We were struggling financially and he was getting really depressed about it. So he got himself a job, an apprenticeship which means pay is not great. And he is doing more heavy physical work. He has been doing it for 5 months now and his back is no good and he is in a lot of pain, to the point that he is thinking he cannot go on. Now, here is the deal. I love my hubby dearly, but when he is not doing much, he is a pain in the butt. He gets really bored, that turns into him over thinking everything, that gets him down and he gets really grumpy and hard to live with. It really affects the whole family dynamics, everyone suffers because of it. He has never done anything different in his life, office jobs are not an option, he has no qualifications apart from his carpentry one, so no one will hire him... he tried sales, did not work out.... we have no money for him to back to study. I just feel like we are stuck in a rut, always struggling to get by financially. I really can't see a solution to the problem and I am finding it very hard to stay positive. Any ideas, suggestions, anything?

Rant over

Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation and other things

Today I decided to sign up for the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation – I first heard of Michelle when a friend liked her page on Facebook, after visiting her site I was totally inspired! I am really looking forward to starting the journey and this is blog will be an outlet for me to measure my progress and discuss the program as well. To sign up I had to spend money we don’t really have at the moment, but this is something I think it will really help me with my weight loss, fitness etc. so it is really worth it.  I am pumped, I really am excited about it  – watch this space!

As I have mentioned before, I have started running, for the first time in my life. I have been doing it for about ten days straight and I am really starting to feel that it is getting a little bit easier. I have a good friend who does it with me, and she has been great, really pushing me in the right direction. I don’t want to let her down when she asks me is I am running tonight, so even if I don’t feel like it, I always end up going and feeling really happy I did it.

I also have been watching what I eat and staying under my calories – according to My Fitness Pal. I was quite disappointed this morning to hop on the scales and see the same number I did this time last week. This is so frustrating, especially because I have been working so hard in the last ten days. I know I shouldn’t really pay attention to what the scales says, it is just a number but it would be fantastic to see numbers going down. I have been running, eating better and generally feeling pretty good. I am going to buy myself a tape measure and measure myself, I am also hiding the scales so they are not staring at me in the bathroom, tempting me to weigh myself - I actually would love to hear from anyone in similar situations?

I have also involved people in my life who are really healthy and cheering for me on my journey, I feel like I can’t let them down and I don’t want to!

I have two goals: Be able to run 3Ks on November 10

And

Lose about 10kgs until the 17^th December – the day I am travelling to New Zealand to visit family and friends who have not seen me in over two years. I already lost 10kgs since leaving, losing another 10 would make it 20kgs! (44lbs)

Can I do it? I think I can.

Eventful Morning

Ahhhhhh fridays! I {heart} you a lot

It's a rainy day here in Perth, well more like very stormy. It's 2pm and I am proud to say today I was very impressed with myself, not in a boasting 'look I am so good' way, but today I did something for the very first time: I got up at 5am and I decided to run

It was completely unplanned, impulsive and slow - but I did it and I am so proud of myself

My son woke up crying at 4.30am, with a sore head and he was very hot. My poor baby gets really hot temperatures when he gets sick, so I got up, took care of him (medicine, water, cuddles and kisses), went back to bed and my brain would not switch off, so I tried to go back to sleep again before my alarm went off at 6am and after ten minutes I decided I was just gonna get up and go for a run. So I did it, I got up, changed, went outside and started running. The weather was perfect for it, not raining and the sun even came out. I did 20 minutes of interval running because I am still not able to run the whole time without walking in between. But I am happy with my progress as I can now run double the distance I could when I first started.

I got home around 6am, got ready for work, had to walk 15 minutes to meet up with my boss because she is being so kind to drive me to work while my car is broken. I see every opportunity to move as a great thing, so I embraced the walk with arms wide open and off I went

When I was about five metres from my boss' car, it started to rain - but I was happy, my work for the day was done already and it was only 7.30am

Now, this is a HUGE thing for me. Never in a million years I would have thought that firstly, I would decide to start running. Before this, the last time I walked was April. I have been going steady for 10 days now, going out everyday, running and walking as much as I can. Secondly, run at 5.30am? I would probably have laughed at you if you told me that I would voluntarily do this. It's a victory, a big one. The first step is always the hardest, and I have taken them. I am proud of myself for that.

I have downloaded the C25K app for my phone and I have decided that I can start to follow that program, it gives me some sort of structure instead of me just running without keeping track. I think that, menatally, I am in a good place to start.

I don't know why but I feel this time is different. For the first time I BELIEVE that I can do it - I am not trying to convince myself that I can.